Saturday, 21 December 2013

Ai is Getting HITCHED! That Ass has been Tapped, People!

This post ain't meant to be taken seriously, y'all XD

It's pretty close to Christmas, so all of the Idols in the world are bringing joy and cheer to their fans. However, there is one fan set on making her wota weep with woe and rage during this festive season. Who could it be, I wonder...?

... YOU!?

So the news has come out that, finally, Takahashi Ai, former Morning Musume leader of butt-like Goddess Blandness, is engaged to that Comedian guy who has apparently had 3million and 1 wives already.

Looks like someone's finally gonna get to hit that ba-donka-donk!

I effing pray that you are not another dumbass rumour xD

"Holy shit, I finally get to tap that fine piece of ass! YEAH!!!"

Of course, with the engagement announced during this festive season, I can't help but ask the question 'when's the baby due?'. I say this in half-jest, half-seriousness. We all know what these MoMusu girls can get like with weddings and then sudden baby announcements!

But no, seriously. When's the pregnancy announcement, Ai-butt?

"Is that a bump, Ai?"

Of course, what with the news being out and all (after about 2 years of speculation, rumours and whatever else) the fans are of course voicing their opinions and concerns; happiness, congratulations to the Butt of Ai, and rabid hatred dashed with promises of eating the lungs of the comedian if he ever were to break poor Ai Butt's little heart and cheat on her with one of his millions of hussys.

This guy is a dead man walking, to put it bluntly.

Then again, this is just the English speaking Wota world. I have no clue what the Japanese wota think, though some may curse out the poor bastard for daring to touch the Ass of Ai and wish him dead. Some may even call him a dirty old man, given he is like, what? 11 to 50 years older than Ai Botty? Who knows, who cares... at the end of the day, she's engaged to him and sharing his bed, warming it up for him or whatever, and she is pretty damn happy with the guy.

If anything, at least he has 3 million and 1 wives' worth of experience in the bedroom. He can teach Ai a few tricks of the trade, the old dog!

That all said and done, who will be the bridesmaids, Ai Butt? Risa is a given as the Maid of Honour, and you kind of have to include the 9/10/11ki in this one as little bridesmaids and flower girls. Especially your prodigy, Oda Sakura. Oh, and Sayu can be the dstylist. We all know how amazeballs her PB was, so let her style it ALL!!!

An example of Ai Butt's wedding frock, provided by M. Sayumi.

Of course, during the ceremony, all of Hello! Project past and present will be there two witness it, except for Aibon and Yaguchi, that is. Actually, Aibon might be able to go now that Yagu has out-scandeled here. Who knows what miracles can happen? If a man can manage to woo the Ass of Ai, who I was pretty certain was in a relationship with her husband Lord Gaki, then anything like Aibon coming a H!P wedding do can happen, you know?

Also at this wedding, I am pretty sure that Gaki will pull out a gun to the dude tapping Ai's magnificent ass and battle him for her hand in marriage. I place my bets on Gaki! True love wins all, I tell ya!

But no, honestly. Congrats to Ai for getting hitched! She finally had her man put a ring on it, and proved to us all that she is sadly straight! Those rumour mills about her apparent engagement to the man of her dreams, or comical fantasies or whatever else, have now been realised! The secrecy is over, the rumours confirmed, and the ring is now on her finger! We can now sleep safely in our beds at night knowing well that Ai is getting married...

... Wait, what? She's... she's getting married... Oh, shit... No, not Ai... NO, NOT MY AIDOL!!!! She will stay a virgin forever, for the Wota! For all of us who love her and her glorious butt! No!!! NOOOOOO! This cannot be TRUE! NO!!!

... Yeah, I actually don't really mind xD The girl is getting married, and I am happy for her and her man.

... I'm also that rumours finally been confirmed. Fucking rumour xD

CONGRATS, AIBUTT AND ABE KOJI! May your marriage be happy and fruitful, and may you bear many beautiful little babies!

Just don't cheat on one another, 'kay?