Today I have decided to dive into something that has affected me in my life since August. It isn't Idol related in any way, so it could be totally unrelated to this blog, however I want to get this off my chest, because I know that something like this could have happened to any one of you. Also, I would like to tell you how hard it is to write a post like this - so if I am a bit sappy in any way, I apologise.
Last month, on August 16th 20ll, my older sister lost her baby. She was 3 months (or 18 weeks) pregnant, but something went wrong, and she gave birth to her baby. She went through a miscarriage, despite giving birth. This hasn't happened before in my family, so all of us were really shocked by it and it's really hurt us all in some way. I never imagined that my older sister would go through that - honestly, she doesn't deserve it, especially since she went through cancer before she had the miscarriage, but it happened, and it really did hurt her as you can imagine.
Today the baby was cremated. He was a little boy named Peter Dennis, and even though I only knew him as a baby bump, he was my nephew, and I really did love him despite not knowing him. Luckily, my sister has both her family, her son and her loving fiancé to support her through this. However we've all had a hard time coping with it - no child should die so young, that's not how it should be, but as we all know, it happens, and we all need to accept this.
I love my sister, and I support her no matter what. She wants to try again for a baby, but she doesn't know if she can carry children any more due to the chemotherapy she had when she had cancer. I would love for her to have another child - her oldest son is 13 years old now, but she has begun to want a second child for a while, so when she became pregnant she was ecstatic.
However, we haven't been deterred from anticipating the birth of my other sisters baby - my younger sister, who is 18 years old now, is pregnant with her first child. She and my older sister were actually a week apart in pregnancy before the miscarriage, and she is expecting a little girl. She revealed that she was relieved when she found out that her baby would be a girl, because when our sister miscarried her son, my younger sister was worried that if she had a boy, then our older sister would get upset because she would see how Peter would have grown up. But my older sister is happy - she wants my younger sister to become a mother, and to bring her child up with love no matter what gender it is. She doesn't hold jealousy towards our younger sister, because she is not like that at all - we're all just looking forward to the future of my baby niece.
So, to everyone who has had a family member suffer through miscarriage or the loss of a child, or even cancer, I know what you're feeling - it hurts a lot, and it's painful to go through, but we mustn't give up on our lives. We need to live on, still thinking of that baby or child and how much we still love them. My nephew, though I didn't know him, I really did love him, and I wanted to hold him so much. Sadly, that day will never come, but for my niece who will be born soon, I can't wait to hold her in my arms and spoil her rotten, just like I would have done with Peter.
So, live your life to the fullest everyone, and don't look back on what life might have been like. Just keep walking forward and fulfil your life, no matter what happens.
Chiima
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