Wait, this isn't Sexy! - Sexy Zone's 'Real Sexy!' PV Review!

All thoughts and opinions regarding the group, song and video are mine and mine alone. Don't like what I have to say? Then don't read it. Problem solved!!!

It's been a while since I reviewed something by Sexy Zone, but that's down to the fact that I attempted to boycott them when I realised how terrible JE management was by basically shafting Marius (my adopted son in another life) and Sou (My adopted son's friend in another life) in this song... like, really shafting them, to the point where Marius and Sou became background characters like the Juniors are in their PV's sometimes.

It hurt me. A lot. Hell, it still hurts me, but in the end, whilst Management can go screw themselves, I do support Sexy Zone, and I like them more than their shitty Management, so to Hell with it! I will love them, and not boycott them... unless Management make me want to shoot them again, that is.

So, now that my Sexy Zone withdrawal has been tackled, and my thirst for Management's blood as well, today I will be reviewing the PV for the groups fourth single, Real Sexy!/BAD BOYS, which is not sexy at all, given just who this group is made up of, and how un-sexy they all are. Except for Fuma. Fuma is sexy.

... Er, what was I talking about before Fuma popped up in the topic? Oh, yeah. The PV.

Today I will be looking at the PV for Real Sexy! which is the first song on this Double A-side single, and also the only song to have a PV accompany it. Weird, I know, but we'll go with the flow for now. To be honest, I originally had no idea that this PV existed until I went looking for it, and I was surprised that there had been one made... and it's been a few weeks since I found it, so I thought that I would share it with you all, you know, to remind you that these guys still exist, and that I still have a soft spot for them.

Also, I think it's about time for my mandatory Boy-band review in over a stupid amount of months. I barely have these, so whilst it's here, treasure it like you have never treasured anything before~

That all said and done, let's dive into the PV of Real Sexy!, one of the least sexy PV's you will find! Are you ready for some boyish wonder? No? Me neither! Let's go!!!

Opening with a shot of Marius is always a positive thing, if you ask me.

... Sexy Zone needs more Marius.

Actually, more Sou is needed as well! Also, when the hell did you hit puberty, boy!?

I am gonna go out on a limb here, but I am pretty damn sure that this will be the least Sexy PV in JE History... Okay, probably not the least sexy, but you get it... I mean, none of the members are really men yet, are they?

Breakin' it down, Juniors feat. MariusSou style!

Stand to Attention, Men! Er, boys...

This is what Sexy Zone is missing <3 More Marius, less Shori...

Oh shit, Ominous lightning! Help!

Marius: "Holy crap, what the fuck was that!?"

Erm... Lightning...

Sou: "... I sense shit graphics are a'coming..."

I love that Sou is entirely indifferent to what the Hell is happening here.

Aw damnit! Not the glowy graphics! Whatever can we do!?

Hey, this is actually really pretty! It reminds me of a Fairytale Fantasy world, actually!

... Okay, now it's as ominous as that lightning was. Well, I'll be damned!

Now, I don't think it's intentional or anything, but whoever directed this PV has managed to make Shori look like a pompous ass. Just sayin'.

Shori: "... Something is a'miss in Shori... I mean Sexy... Land!"

OMFG, WATER! Is Kento a Water Bender in this? Also, I like this graphic. It's damn pretty scenery~

... Oh great, Kento's caught wind of the fact that Sexy Zone's pre-pubescent members are in trouble!

Now, I wonder who this moody person is...? Also, that bridge leads off to nowhere, unless a suicide attempt is within this persons mind, that is...

Eramgerd, it's Fuma. Who woulda thunk it? Hi, Fufu!!! <3

Marius... Marius, darling, don't touch it. The graphics don't want to be touched...

Marius, what the fuck did I just tell you!? DON'T. TOUCH. THE GRAPHICS!!!!

Marius: "Sou-kun... what is that?"
Sou: "Shit graphics, Marius. Shit graphics."
Marius: "... Fuck."
Sou: "Yup."

Sou is clearly ignoring the shitty creature graphic. He truly is ashamed of what has become of Sexy Zone's PV's, I think.

Oh crap, shitty Graphics beware, The Knight's are a'coming!!!

I actually really like their outfits for this, pretty swish and cool.

Kento, you are beautiful, I just want to let you know that~

And however moody you may be, Fufu, you are fabulous~

Shori: "Welcome to my Crib!"

Your crib looks a little, erm... dishevelled...

Shori: "And these are my Homies!"

You know that JE want to remind you how important Shori is, because they make sure to give him a Posse to make him look even more important than Kento and Fufu. That, or they need the Juniors to babysit him.

Ooooh, buuuuurn!

Marius: "Wh-what are we going to do, Sou-kun...?"
Sou: "For the last time, Marius, I DON'T know, and I DON'T fuckin' care... Jesus..."

Sou is so tired of the amount of nothing he gets in SZ, you can see it on his face.

Epic slow-mo running scenes...

This would also be pretty epic-looking if it wasn't for the face on the Junior to Shori's right (his left).

Junior: "Daaaamn, look at dat ass, boy... mhm mhm!"

I didn't know that the Titanic made a special appearance in this music video.

HOLY MOTHER OF FUCK, IS THAT SMILE, FUFU!?!?

Oh for fuck's sake... DIDN'T YOU LEARN FROM THE FIRST ATTEMPT!?

Why you're so damn shocked about it repelling you is beyond me, Marius, because you tried it once before and the result was the damn same.

Sou, on the other hand, gives no fucks.

Kento sports a massive Ball.

From this scene alone, I think that Kento would make a pretty epic evil Witch. He would look so pretty~

Kento: "Nyahahaha, fly my pretties, FLY!!!"

Kento is having fun with the shiny purple things~

This is like Skype, but better. Also, it is very obvious that all superheroes now need to incorporate a dance sequence into their plan when saving someone. It works, we swear.

... So, basically, Shori is doing nothing to help aid Kento and Fufu in finding what they need to find?

... And yet he's the one JE are pushing and trying to make the hero.

Sou still gives no shit.

Marius is still cute, though, and a better actor than Sou. My son <3

So, dancing aids you in finding locations, now? Did not know that.

Fufu is so laid back and cool about everything, he almost looks gangsta. I like him.

Not gonna lie, these are some pretty snazzy graphics!

... Well, isn't this convenient. An ice cavern, and Shori, from the land of Fire. Pretty. Damn. Convenient.

Oh look, Kento, who is a water bender, and fire. No convenient in the damn slightest, is it?

But wait a second... what the heck is Fufu's element!? Seriously, all I got from his scene was suicide, and clouds, and... Oh wait a minute, it's air. BINGO!!!

So I'm guessing this is Earth. Typical.

Oh shit, the Graphics are getting worse! Quick, boys, save the Graphics!!!

Fufu does not give a damn.

And neither does Sou, but hey! At least Marius is hopeful that he will be saved!

I have to say, Marius has an intense look here! You can seriously see the concentration on his face!

Shori: "Holy fuck no, don't touch me!"

Shori is offended by these shit graphics.

Kento: "What the fuck...?"

Fufu: "... Is this what our budget has come down to? Hello! Project-styled graphics? Seriously?"

Well, that was easy...

Oh shit, Kento is bringing out his Water Bending skillz, prepare yourselves...!!!

HELL YEEEEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh wait, that ain't epic. Whoops~

Fufu, the Last Air Bender~

Kento: "Good Job~"

Kento approves of Fufu being the Last Air Bender.

Shori, you barely did anything. Stop pretending you are the Hero.

Holy crap, am I watching Thunderbirds now!?

Oh for fuck's sake... -head desks-

Also, is that belt encrusted with rhinestones...?

Hey, look! Sou has a little bit of care in his eyes... oh no wait,, that was just dust. Move along, he still gives no shit.

Holy crap, why can't Fufu be the Hero/Lea in this? It's clear he has the confidence, sass and the hair badassery to pull it off =____=

So, these stones, they give you more power, right? Can I have one?

... Kento looks like the stone is pleasuring him, not gonna lie. Fufu, too. Shori just looks drunk.

FRIENDSHIP!!!!

Okay, Fufu looks pretty camp here... Is it just me? XD

"Kame Hame... HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!"

GRAPHICS BE GONE!!!

Why the fuck is it PINK!?!?

Sparkles!!! Glorious, cheap-tastic SPARKLES!!!! It brings out the sun!

Holy shit, Sou, calm the fuck down with the emotion!!! Boy, what has gotten into you!?

Sou: "I can be alone with Fufu again!!!"

Oh, okay. I get it.

Marius: "... Shit."

Well, it looks like Marius has realised that Shori has returned, meaning less screen time for him. Damn.

... Why is that pink thing still THERE!?!?

Urgh, you ruined the good graphics of this PV, you... you THING!!! -shakes fist angrily-

Okay, so un-sexyness and crap-tastic 'monster' graphics aside, how was the rest of the PV?

To be honest, I really like the video. Aside from the failure of the monster in this, and the graphics that created it, the rest of the graphics present in the video are fantastically designed and look pretty damn amazing and scenic. Sure, you know that they are graphics, but there is a lot of attention to detail, and it gives you that Fantasy-like quality that the PV has in the storyline the video provides. At times, I did find the graphics and CGI glaringly obvious, but I don't mind too much because that is how it's supposed to look, I think. We aren't meant to have a realistic view, here, but a made-up one. I mean, we're in a land of Fantasy and magic, right? We're not exactly going to get amazingly real graphics, though these are pretty damn good if you ask me!

Actually, upon first seeing this PV, I remember being pretty impressed by the visual aspect of it when I first saw it. Okay, the monster-thing was nothing amazing and really made the PV look worse than it actually is, but other than that the PV really made me like the song. I mean, the song isn't amazing, in fact it's the worst A-side song from Sexy Zone, but the PV is better, and really sells this lack-lustre, boring sound that has no personality or drive to it, so I was thankful that the video was absolutely wonderful... despite that one setback.

Also, rather surprisingly, I was amazed by the amount of screen time that Sou and Marius were given. Of course it's nothing big like the last few singles, where the boys were actually featured with Fuma, Kento and Shori instead of with the Juniors, but I was glad to see that they were shown a lot... even if they were portrayed as the Damsels in Distress of the entire video, but whatever. I was also entertained by Marius' acting skills. He isn't amazing, but he shows a lot of emotion (more than Sou, at least) and looks like he is truly trying hard to make effort for this video, and I liked that. He also looked pretty cool when dancing, too, because you could see he was concentrating hard to get everything right. Sou also looked pretty cool dancing, actually. I think hes becoming my third favourite, or tying with Fufu. Either way, I like Sou. He is really cool, and reminds me of Fuma in terms of moodiness in this.

Other than that, I did like the story aspect of the video, as well as the visuals. I think it added to that element of a Fantasy-like story, where the brave heroes do what they can to bring their power together in order to save the lesser-knowns/victims. Okay, so the fact that they are represented by elements was a tad predictable and probably over-done, but it worked in their favour I guess. The only thing about the storyline that was really questionable had to be the 'Boss fight', though. I mean, if there was a dragon that they needed to defeat, sure, but a small purple thing that they could have easily spit fire at from Shori's hand? Er... no. That's a bit pathetic, if you ask me. I mean, we saw in the video when they went to get their Emblem crest things that they just blew the minions away with water, fire and air, and yet when it comes to the big fight where they save Sou and Maroius, they have to combine their powers together to defeat another puny purple minion... Like, seriously? There is a pretty decent, over-done storyline, and that's the monster they are going to fight?
 Also, that said, you have these amazing graphics for the background, and yet your little flying thing is painfully obvious and un-threatening in terms of how good the CGI/Graphics are? Are you shitting me? Seriously?

Obviously not, because this was the finalised PV, and this is what I screencapped. Aye aye aye...

Either way, it's in the PV, and it did take down the production value in my eyes, but the rest of the PV was pretty good, and the storyline, though bland and overdone, is right up my alley in a way. It's storybook like, it has some great costumes, the backdrops are great to look at, and I really like Kento and Fufu in this. The only things that irked me were the flying blob of graphics fail, and the fact that Shori seemed to barely do anything, and yet was still made out to be the Hero of it all. Erlack.

Now, the PV has been reviewed, but what about the song...?

Well, it's boring. It's the blandest, most unoriginal A-side I have heard from this group, and in general their songs are generic Idol pop, so this one takes the cake in being generic and bland. I mean, it's catchy, sure, but only just, and the only reason I seem to care for it is because the PV is pretty good, but that's it. I also have a serious issue with how the instrumental suddenly change at what seems to be the climatic scene in the PV, where the Heroes walk towards their foe (pfft). It was a really weird change, and it did not fit at all with the song. It was just so... misplaced, and sounded bad, if you ask me. I did not like that part one bit.
 Also, I am seriously surprised that Shori didn't get a line in this. Or at least, it doesn't sound like he did. I am pretty sure if he did, I would recognise that nasal-tone anywhere.

Anyway, that all said and done (such a short Music review... XD) I do like the PV, and really, it does pull along the song, because damn, that song needs this video... however, a more original storyline and look could have been picked, but for me, I do think that the video summarises how JE feels about Sexy Zone as a whole right now; Three Money-makers, and two children they want to put back in Juniors. Whether that is truly the case is beyond me, but that's what I see when I look at this PV. Sadly, the same treatment seems to be applied in the groups next PV, which I should get to reviewing at some point...

But yeah, I'm still a sucker for Sexy Zone. I guess I am truly a fan of theirs.

This is not Sexy. Stop trying to make Sexy happen!!!

Chiima~

PING!!! Recommended Jpop♂ Reading: October 2013